Sunday, November 25, 2012

Balance of Loneliness and Trust

The holiday season is my favorite time of year, going through it single I feel turns you into a jaded person almost.  It's been five years since I have been in a committed relationship with someone during this season, which is a daily struggle for me.  Plus, when all your friends are married with kids it adds to your loneliness.  So are there any other single 30+ women feel the same way?  Am I alone in thinking that I thought when I was younger I would be married by now with at least one baby?

This past month I decided to join one more online dating sight that I had heard of... POF even with my past lingering in my current life.  However, this brings up my biggest struggle I feel I battle daily anymore which is loneliness and how to learn to trust a new guy with out trying to solve that emptiness quickly through intimacy.    I have always been that gal when I have a bad day I just want to be comforted by the person I care for ,but with comfort comes trust for me since I am very protective on letting men into the intimate side of my life.  I have actually meet what seems to be a good guy who fits everything I am looking for, but yet I don't always feel at ease around him, which for me is hard to not have right away because I feel if he is one for me it should be an instant
connection.  The two men I have truly loved in my 32 years was an instant trust and connection
 the moment I meet them so of course I have this mind set I should always have that or it's not right.

 Am I truly setting myself up for failure and not giving this gut a fair chance?

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