It's been a few months since my last blog, which is not the smartest idea. This is my medium to vent and let my emotions/thoughts of my life journey out. I have the most amazing friends, but at the same time not one of them understands what I am going through career wise or relationship wise. They are all married and have husbands to come home to on bad days and get to experience new life adventures everyday. Also, majority of them have the cutest little ones that I get to enjoy but holding them, seeing then all over Facebook breaks me down emotionally. I wanna be able to watch the father of my children nurse them when they are sick, teach them how to throw a football or just tucking them into bed. Never thought it would be so hard for a man to want to love me back no matter what comes our way in life. When you spend over 5 plus years dating, but yet not one of those guys does anything to be with just me and be proud to be mine, insecurities build and tear a woman down. I know I am not perfect but seriously I am beyond broken at this point.
Career wise is great and maybe that is part of my faults. I always have it to fall back on but it does not feel that need or want to have that ultimate relationship. The past month I have a number of items put on my plate, which is great for the aspect of me pushing to become a DM, but yet it has taken a toll on me and burnt out come this week, which also means extremely emotional.
The other great part of the past few weeks is I was able to pay off all my debt excluding my house, which means I can start planning and saving for my own business. The plan is to continue to learn the business side over the next 7 years and build my ultimate business plan and open my own cafe. This feeling is beyond exciting and cannot wait to see how that journey turns out.
However, my career means nothing to me in the end if I can't share it with the love of my life and kids. When you don't have the greatest relationship with your mother growing up it makes you want to be that mom that finds that balance with your kids, watch them learn, teach them and in the end be their mom they know they can come to about life's obstacles. An empty house breaks a person and builds on those insecurities, I just don't want an empty house anymore!
