I actually wrote this post a few days ago but after reading it, felt it was me going through basic motions and not really confronting emotions.
Since I can remember I have always been a believer in Serendipty/Fate. I feel we are giving choices in life but fate sometimes plays a role. I am also that girl who has always wanted a love story that deals with Serendipty.... This is where G falls into my life.
Last year in March a friend I call a sister, who I meet in college posted a comment on Facebook and of course I commented on it as well as an accauntince of hers from high school. This accauntince (G) happen to be a guy I went to grade school and junior high with, hello fate! That same day I received a message from G asking if I was the little girl he went to grade school with and the next year of my life began that moment. We spent about a week talking through text messages and finally decided to grab a drink together. For the first time in years I was nervous in meeting someone, I am sure the fact that we hadn't seen each other since we were 13. I will remind you I was an ugly 13 year old girl, braces, curly hair , no curves and a scrawny tomboy, were he was a tall ripped wrestler with a cute booty. Almost twenty years later.... I feel I have grown into a pretty good looking woman with curves and he clearly is still a good looking guy still with a cute booty.. After that night, we continued to keep in touch and continued to hang out but just as friends. Throughout the next few months it was clear we had a lot in common and communication was easy. I am girl who loves sports and its rare these days to find a guy who can talk sports. A couple months later, we meet up for dinner and as he walked me back to my car he kissed me, which made me feel like I was in high school again. It had been four years since I felt that with another man. We kept dating and things were always easy, nothing felt like it was pressure and I kept falling a little more each time we hung out. By November he was in full grind mode with coaching wrestling, which left little time to hang out, but that never bothered me. After four months of dating G became the third guy I had ever been with sexually by the age of 31, which means for me I was at the point were he had all my trust. However, it also meant that my emotions/feelings were elevated to another level, which I knew he wasn't ready for so at this point we were still just dating and not together as a couple. I will be the first to admit that my bedroom variety is on the side of boring due to lack of experience, but was always hoping with G that for once that would change. At the time, I was still ok with that, but wrestling was over in March of 2012 and we had been dating for over a year at that point and I wanted nothing more than to be just his. I was so scared to bring up the commitment conversation with him because he was once married, which has caused him to have a lot of hesitation with committing again. I finally got the nerve and what I feared the most was he didn't want what I wanted and it was all based off him not supporting my work schedule. I will remind you on a bad week I maybe work 45 hours but usually 40. Also, I just spent three months supporting his wrestling schedule which were at least 12 hour days and usually tournaments on the weekends. When you care for someone, you support them in what they adore and believe in, at least that's who I am. After that night I was angry and pulled away, but that didn't last long. My birthday came in April and he wanted to take me to dinner and talk things through, so we meet for dinner. We went through the whole dinner avoiding the white elephant in the room until the end. G had asked me how does he know I am gonna make time for him, I reminded him how supportive I hade been and then said I should not have to sit here and plead to you why you should be with me. Summer was beginning and we hadn't seen much or talked to each other since that night in April. We would hang out here and there, which shame on me for letting sex occur each time. The end of July we hung out one night, but was cut short because of a medical issue with his mom. As we said goodbye , G had hugged and kissed me like he never had before and me being a girl with emotions wanted to thrive off that. The second week of August came and he found out he was going to have to move out of his place ASAP. At this point, in my eyes we were done dating even though my feelings were still stronger than ever, but your gonna learn I always put myself on the back burner to help someone in need especially someone I adore. I offered for G to stay in my guest room until he found a place because I knew he started his school year in a couple weeks and moving and finding a place he liked would be too much. He turned down my offer, which I was so releaved. However, two weeks later he moved into my guest room and I now live with a man I love but can't act on it......
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