Power of Love

In the past three months I have learned a lot about myself as well as how strong emotions can turn you into someone your not.

Once G moved in I didn't really know how it would pan out because I kept telling myself I was over him, but I was proven wrong.  The first two weeks were nothing because he really wasn't around, but that changed eventually.  I could not understand whybhe moved in if he wasnt really staying atvghe house so i became that girl who kept asking where he had been, not someone i am.  Then, One day I was honest with him and told him my emotions are still present and took it so far as to ask him to not bring any new girls over for a while because I would not be able to handle it it.  Yes, that's right I told a grown man that he needs to put a lid on his needs due to my emotions, well G is a man who does not like to be told what he can't do so he was pissed after that, but I had no clue.  The moments he had been at the house the first month it was hard to not just want to hug him or even crawl into bed with him and it felt that the nights he made it home were rough days I were having due to work or something else.  A month after being in the house, there was a day I was off and ran into my brother and his family who I hadn't seen in 11 years due to a big blowout.  That day was the first time ever I saw my niece and nephew and remind you they have no knowledge of me, I was broken that day.  I was driving home that night and just started crying uncontrollably and once I turned onto my street I saw G's car which it was a Wednesday night and he had never been home on a Wednesday yet.  I sat in my car for a good ten minutes trying to pull myself together because I am stubborn gal who does not like to show emotion.  G is the only friend in my life that knows the relationship I had with my brother before our big blowout since he grew up with us.  I got settled in at home and was in the kitchen cleaning up when he came out the great room and that's were I lost it again, but G just sat on the couch when all I needed was a hug.  The next few months between us were rough because he did bring a girl over one night and I became so sick just thinking of him being sexual with another one and me being me confronted him about it.  This of course turned into an argument and the only thing I heard out of the whole thing is that he got over me in two weeks after moving in, I was angry.  However, thoughout the past three months I continue to fold his laundry, cook him dinner, clean up after him, offer to take care of him when he is sick, bring food home for dinner and support him at one of his football games.  Yes, I know your thinking how much more of an idiot can I be , trust me talk to my friends who think I am a fool for everything I have done or him.

All my friends are married at this point and any time we talk about task around the house their husbands don't do I always said I would never put up with that and never understood why they do, but after the past few weeks I get now.  The pas two weeks have been very telling for me and where I stand.  G had been home more than ever and I had cooked him dinner a few nights plus once again folded his laundry.  On Saturday night late he blew out his transmission and for someone reason he texted me to tell me and of course I was ready to go pick him up if that's what he was texting me about, but his family picked him.  The next morning I asked him if he needed anything and he said no and would be just hanging at his moms until the car gets fixed.  Noon came that day and he texted me to tell me he was gonna bring company to the house a girl of course.  I got home and went for a long run right away in hopes that in would escape hearing anything, well I got back and they were still in his room and I started to hear them.  I ended up just sitting on my patio in tears, still to this day trying to understand why I am not enough for him.  Yes, I was hurt but not angry because I know he is a man with needs.  Wednesday comes and I find myself dropping cupcakes he left at home off at his school and of course I asked if he needed anything from the house.  He wanted more workout cloths which meant I had to go into his room, which was a big mistake.  G had left out bed restraints from when he had sex with the last girl, I was sick again and emotional but had to pull myself together.  Here I am sitting in his classroom and no clue why when all is going through my mind is I am truly an idiot who allows this man to depend on me as we'll as why did he never use those restraints with. Me.  I left his class sooner than planned because emotional I couldn't take it.

Within minutes after leaving he asked me through text what was the problem and I told him.  I said the problem is I love you  which means as long as you live with me I will continue to cook, clean, fold laundry, support your coaching and do whatever I can for you!  His response, I am afraid I will disappoint you, what does that mean?  Does that mean you still have feelings?
No relationship is 100% perfect, but one thing I have learned is if 99% of it is that one percent you work on it together. G does not realize that that one percent I will figure out and I want it as much as he needs it. I know when I truly love someone I am intense and hard to love back, but God Damit I am fucking amazing. He has become my best friend over this past year and I am scared to death at this point to lose him in my life.
G