Decisions

Its now been over a month of me dating the same guy who on paper is a great match for me, but to me dating is more than seeing each other once a week and all we do is watch a movie at one of our homes each time.  What happened to giddy fun dating?

The person I am dating should wanna take the time to plan things for us to do and vice versa, but neither one of us has taken that time and I have realized I don't want to take that time and invest it in him.  The past few weeks has shown me that over the past six months I have dated more men than I had dated by the age of 29.  I have been so focused on just the idea of being in a committed relationship due to my age and thinking that dating will help me lose other feelings I am caring.  Such a false ideology.... Dating why still madly in love with someone else messes you  up even more and creates a greater loneliness.  

I have had the past few days off and really used that time to just refocus on what I truly want, which has led to two decisions... 1). Stop dating for a while and let go of my daily struggle 2) If I am not with someone by my 33rd birthday I will start the process of insemination and take on the challenge of raising a child on my own.

I was asked a few days ago what I want for Christmas this year and I said nothing because I have everything I need, but was thinking to myself the two things I want have all to do with Gods planning...Jeremiah 29:11