After CT

I had never been hurt by a man in my 29 years until CT and it lingered for a year due to a bad decision he made in his career that had nothing to do with me but its amazing how angry one can get when emotions are involved.  The choice of actions CT choose to take part in put him in the news all over Texas and at the time one of my close friends lived 30 minutes away from him so just imagine finding out through a friend.  I can remember that night so vivid, was with my sister and nephew at zoo lights which is a holiday lights at the Phoenix.  Tara had called to confirm that it was CT she was watching in the news and at that point all i could hear was silence as I started to just cry.  In that moment I questioned ever decision I made with this man who I trusted with, with something that was beyond valuable.  Anger is an evil world and after that moment I lived in that world up until a little over a year ago.  I attempted to date while angry as well as all walls up with no chance of me trusting anyone.  I truly can say I turned into a cold women who went through the motions of dating, but no investment.  I even slept with one of those guys I dated for a few months, which I don't regret because I have no regrets in life but ashamed at myself for loosing who I am due to anger.  I was never meant to ride the roller coaster of dating because it turned myself esteem into non existent.  These men were telling me I was a cold person due to the fact I was not jumping their bones after four dates or they would choose a younger girl than me in the end.  Sorry guys that I respect myself and can control myself to not screw every guy that comes my way, I love myself too much for that game.

So at this point I am 31, about 99% of my friends are married and my work environment is not the place to meet my type of man so then where do I turn to meet men.....online of course and what a trip.