Since I can remember as a kid I was raised with a pathological liar.... My mom.  She would always exaggerate situations or make conversations events up.  The sad thing she has no clue that she does this even until this day.  As I grew up its what caused my moms and I relationship to be beyond unhealthy.  It built so much anger in me as well As lack of trust for her.  The sader thing is that my brother followed her foot steps while he was in high school and pretty much would lie about everything.  My brother was my best friend but all those lies tore my family part and is still torn until this day.  I have given up on my mom as far as trying to get her to realize she does it and have learned to love her for her, but my brother is a whole other story.  However, this is we're my trust issues in relationships comes from and have realized today how much it has screwed me up.

John... The guy that seemed to good to be true and for the first time in a while I felt a walls down connection and I have been still dating up until today.  It's been four months, but a conversation we had last week left me doubting some things about him no top of him stating he travels each week almost.  My big hang up was me having this gut feeling that he is married so I started doing some research online and of course came across some pictures so I just flat out asked him in person this past Sunday, which he denied so I went into detail what lying does to me.  I then said married men who cheat are cowards and he responded so quick with men who cheat are not happy, which left me still with doubts.  Tshirt morning I couldn't shake Sundays conversation so I did some more digging because I still didn't have 100% proff until today when I came across another pic and called him out with the pictures and the only thing he was worried about was where did I get the pictures.  Yep you guessed it he still never admitted but did a great job of making me feel like I was the one in the wrong.

No woman deserves to be cheated on as well as the person he cheats on with.  Tonight I am sicken to my stomach and officially done with online dating, which scares the shit out of me because I have no faith right now in my future for that one relationship I want so bad, that trust and that connection.  Also, feeling like everything is wrong with me and don't get why the past 5 years not one man has wanted to be with me and just me.  Yes, I am not perfect and have some crazy moments but I have so much to offer and have put a lot of me into some guys and not one has wanted to put themself into me.